Everything about him screamed your future.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Couch. On fire.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
