The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
