I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
