I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
