I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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