it hurts more in the daytime
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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