I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
