I wish my penis had an off switch
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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