Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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