Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
