I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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