i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He better not be in your backpack
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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