You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
