What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
