I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
