i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
