Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
