For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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