i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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