this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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