do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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