so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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