i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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