Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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