How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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