this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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