How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
