direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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