I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
