thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
