apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
