woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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