jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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