O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
