and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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