we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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