Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
