Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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