On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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