we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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