why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
