just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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