I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
