i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
