I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
