I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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