My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
