We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize