I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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