My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
