Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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