Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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