I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
