i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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