my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
