I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
