This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
