I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
