my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
