If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize