how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When did angry sex become our thing?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
and you fell through a lawn chair
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
