Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
