Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
