Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize