i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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