Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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