New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
