Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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