Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
