I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
