I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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