i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
